Pessimistic Moans (No.2)

…”Pessimistic Moans” by RDFC Rob

Article Number Two


goals“Who wants to play Cranium? No? But I’ve got the new New York edition” 

We all know the feeling as Diamonds fans: you’re listening to Radio Cobblers on a Saturday afternoon at about 4.45pm. The presenters are crowing over the latest thrashing the Saints have inflicted onto a village team like its some sort of (say in black gospel church voice) ‘mia-cle’ and are either sobbing over the Cobblers loss or proclaiming Akinfenwa to be some sort of God-like figure. Then! “And there’s been at goal at Nene Park/[insert ground of League Two/Conference side], Chris Parrot” And your stomach and heart immediately drop to dangerously low levels. You just know that we’ve let in a goal because you’ve seen our defending in the last 5 minutes of games; it’s dodgier than Shannon Matthew’s parents. At this point I just turn it over, there’s no point, we’ve lost.  

As I found out on Saturday night this ‘Diamonds syndrome’, the syndrome of us losing a lead or draw in the last minutes of a game thus resulting in a stomach and heart lurch does not heal if you angrily munch your way through a 205g pack of Fruit Gums whilst guzzling down about 750mls of ASDA own brand Coke because, like Tibetan protesters, they do not go down well. This loss did provide me with a crumb of comfort, it finally gave me something to moan about and at least, I thought, I wasn’t there witnessing it because watching it makes it very, very much worse often resulting in bladder trouble or is that just the feeling of seeing your team piss a 1-0 lead up the wall? Either way not good.

  This loss did send me back to absolute pessimism because after the Ebbsfleet win I was actually predicting a 3-1 victory but it just taught me that optimism just doesn’t pay off, and I promised myself that I wouldn’t do that ever again. Having not seen us since the Halifax home game I don’t know what to expect on Saturday. I’ll be as cautious and as hopeful as a publisher receiving Terry Pratchett’s new book. I will be carefully looking and seeing if its not just the same thing rewritten and rewritten over the last 7 months and will be looking to see if he can finally write on the right side of his page. I very much doubt it. (Ed: weak metaphor ends here! Sorry, Rob…)  

Carrying on with my moan the one thing this loss really did do was bring reality crashing down like a… well I won‘t use that one. I realized we actually had absolutely no chance of a play-off place this season, even though I wasn’t believing we could get one in the first place; and that it’s a long, long wait until some meaningful football comes back in August. We’ve just got to hope that Allah-han Shearer, one of the many footballing gods (but this one in particular because his name fitted in with a religious name) decides its our turn to get some good fortunes and doth bring us a play-off place or 2. And I’m just giving myself a pat on the back because I’ve managed to put in a name of a God and a religious tale into a footballing context. 

Unused satirical topics: A deeper look into Terry Pratchett’s new book, actually mentioning the Tsunami and MP’s expenses. 

Song recommendation of the week: Imogen Heap – Goodnight and Go and Grand National – Animal Sounds. 

TV recommendation of the week: Woking v Aldershot to see who we are hopefully playing in the Final. Oh please Allah-han let us win! 

    The Pessimist.


Thanks to RDFC Rob for mounting the podium (again) and revealing what exactly goes on in his head. If you wish to be the next fan to vent your spleen/praise the team on the site, please leave a comment below, or email the blog.


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